Unspeakable, Part 19

Miles lay quietly in the niche of stone, feeling curiously at peace. He listened to the lava flow and Shylock breathe in his sleep, and he waited. The others came one by one, to talk.

Connie swung slowly back and forth in the sling. I walked, she said softly. It’s been...so long. Miles was silent a moment. It’ll happen again, he said. We’ll find a way.

They’re not gone, Sequoia said, trying unsuccessfully to tuck her feet underneath her as she sat. Those things. It’s not over. Miles pressed his lips together. I know, he said grimly.

Mander considered his words in his careful way before he spoke. How do you think it will work, he asked at last, us going out? I’ve never been anywhere but the Hatchery and the dungeon. Miles looked at him for a long moment. Then it’s about time you saw the world, he replied.

When it was Sally’s turn, Miles spoke first. Why won’t you fight without me? he asked. Sally folded her arms on the edge of his niche and lay her chin on them. Look at us, she said. Look how far we’ve come. That’s because of you. You made us a family. And families stick together.

Ivan said only, do you need anything? Miles looked at him, and asked, if YOU could have anything in the world, what would you ask for? Ivan said, I don’t know, but he was lying.

When Boy sat down, Shylock was again in a deep sleep, arm laid across Miles’ chest. It was at Shylock that Boy looked for a long while before he spoke. You’ve changed, he said.

Miles glanced at him warily, and said nothing. In the old days, Boy said, you were cold. Ruthless. I always wondered, but I never knew. Miles decided to bite. Knew what? he asked.

If you could do this, Boy answered, gesturing around. Care for people. Love. Again his eyes dropped to Shylock. Miles swallowed. Are you sure about this? Boy asked. About him?

You leave Shylock out of this, Miles said in a low voice. Boy raised his hands. I won’t hurt him, Miles, it’s just-- Miles interrupted, he’s innocent. Boy shook his head. Miles, he’s the most powerful being I’ve ever seen, he said gently. He’s very dangerous. We need to be careful.

Miles glowered at him. You’re still just the same, he said. You act like you’re separate from the Academy, but when it comes down to it, you put anything different in a cage, poke it with a stick.

Boy lowered his eyes. If you treat someone like an animal, like a beast, then they become a beast, Miles continued. Look at us. Look at those things from the lower dungeon.

We don’t know- Boy began, but Miles cut in. We know plenty, he said harshly. He shook his head. Boy, you can’t put things in simple terms, in boxes. That won’t work here.

Yes, Shylock is powerful. But he’s not a villain, not a hero either, and he’s not something you can lock in a dungeon and forget about. Boy leaned forward. I had nothing to do with that, Miles.

Boy said softly, all I’m saying is, he’s sick. He’s plagued with voices. He’s not in control.

Miles laughed. You underestimate him, Boy, badly. Is he sick? Eh, maybe. Does he hear voices? Apparently. All you, or anybody, need to know is-- he’s MINE. Understand?

He stared at Boy defiantly, and Boy looked back, thoughtfully. You think he can control it, Boy said at last. I know he can, Miles corrected him. Boy looked at Miles for a moment. Okay.

When Boy had gone away, Miles let out his breath, and suddenly realized Shylock’s breathing had changed. Oh, hell, Miles said, finding Shylock’s eyes on him. You heard that?

Shylock nodded. Miles closed his eyes. Damn. But when Shylock spoke, he whispered, tell me about before you came to the dungeons, and Miles glanced at him in surprise. Why?

Because Boy said he knew you then, Shylock said, and you were different. Miles took a moment. Yeah, he said finally. I could walk. He swallowed hard. Made me think I was invincible.

I could walk, he said slowly, I could run. I could fight, I could have sex. And I did. Shylock asked softly, who with? Miles glanced at him in surprise. Who’d I have sex with? Shylock nodded.

Everybody, Miles admitted. Shylock blinked. If you could, he asked, would you have sex with me? Miles should have expected the question, but didn’t.

Very aware of Shylock’s cheek on his shoulder, he said slowly, I’m...not sure. It’s...well, it’s different with you. Shylock said nothing, but Miles felt he was disappointed.

I mean, all the people I slept with, Miles said, not one of them stayed over. I never shared a bed with any of them. I never slept beside anybody before you. You’re...special.

Shylock looked up, but stayed silent. It’s just--complicated, Shylock, Miles sighed. I can’t be the guy that screws anybody he wants anymore. Miles swallowed. I- I can’t be … taking advantage.

Shylock whispered, is it taking advantage if I want you to? Miles met his eyes, heart skipping. Do you want me to? Shylock looked at him a moment. I think so, he said slowly.

It took Miles a moment to be able to speak. He cleared his throat. Still, he said, maybe I’d be abusing my position, my influence. You were hardly in your right mind when we met.

I thought you trusted me, Shylock said, his voice troubled. I do, Miles said quickly, but being locked in a box would mess with anyone’s mind, and I was the one that got you out.

So...what would have to happen so you wouldn’t feel guilty? Shylock asked slowly. I don’t know, Miles said helplessly, I’m new to this-- not being a douchebag thing. He glanced down, and Shylock was still looking at him, so he tried to think.

I guess, um, you would have to...be independent of me, Miles said. You’d need to have self-confidence, um… Shylock whispered, so if I made the move on YOU it would be okay?

Miles stammered, and frowned at him. You have to be sure, he said at last. That you really want to be with me. ME, despite all your other options. Shylock stayed quiet, considering this.

Miles cleared his throat. Listen. When we get out, when we’re free, then we’ll talk about it, and if you still say you want to, we’ll give...things...a try, okay?  Shylock whispered, okay.

There was something in Shylock’s voice Miles had never heard before, and it took him a moment to place it. He was so surprised, he said out loud, you’re happy. That makes you happy?

He shifted to meet Shylock’s eyes, and Shylock nodded. I’m impotent for the foreseeable future, and even if that changes, I could give you an STD, Miles said, do you know what that is?

Shylock nodded again. And you’re still happy? Shylock nodded. Miles shook his head, looking back up at the stone. You’re so weird. Miles didn’t see it, but at that, Shylock smiled.